Zombie-Vampires Chapter 3

 

THE POACHERS

 

A knock on the door startled the man at the breakfast table. He was dressed in boxers and a t-shirt reading the paper drinking his morning coffee. He never had visitors, especially this early in the morning. He got up and answered the door to two men dressed in work jumpsuits with their names ironed on them. One said Jack, the other read Mike.

“What’s going on?” the man asked the men at the door. His name was Randall.

“Hi, sorry to bother you, but we’re from the gas company and we got a report of a gas leak in the area. We’re checking all the houses on the block.”

“No, you’re poachers, and I will defend myself,” Randall replied. He was pissed.

“Poachers?” Jack asked. He didn’t lie very well.

“Yeah, you don’t even have a work truck,” Randall said as he looked out to the curb.

The men turned around and looked at the car parked at the curb. It didn’t have a logo on the side and didn’t look like a company car. “Truck was broke down, I had to use my personal vehicle.”

“Show me something that proves you work for the gas company,” Randall said.

“Like what?”

“A work order, any kind of paperwork with the company logo on it.”

“I left it at the shop,” Jack replied.

Randall scratched his forehead and shook his head. “I’ve had poachers before, and I think you two are about the two stupidest ones I’ve ever ran into. If you think I’m letting you into my house, your fucking nuts, now leave.”

The two men shook their heads and the lead man replied, “Fine, I’ll have my boss call the fire department, or the police. There is a real threat here and you're obstructing us from doing our jobs.”

“Where’s your gas detector?” Randall asked.

“What are you talking about?”

“Even I know the gas company uses a hand held gizmo to check for gas leaks. You don’t have one. Now get the fuck off my property!”

Pissed, Jack pushed forward and tried to shove Randall back into his house. Randall pushed back but when the second man joined in Randall was forced back into the hallway. Once inside, Mike shut the door. Now trapped, Randall turned and sped back

into his living room followed by the two poachers. He then ran over to his television stand and pulled open a drawer, but before he could fish out a weapon, Jack jumped him and wrestled him to the ground.

“Look in the drawer,” Jack said to his partner.

Mike pulled out a hunting knife and showed it to Jack.

“Fuck, that’s one hell of a knife, do you use that on your victims?” Jack asked.

“No, I use that to defend myself against fucks like you,” Randall replied.

“Fuks like me? You get a license from the government to hunt humans and you have the balls to call me a fuk? Where do you get off thinking you can kill me? Where’s your scanner?”

“On the table,” Randall replied.

Jack walked over to the table and found the scanner sitting on a stack of newspapers.

He picked it up and pressed the button on the side. It lit up green. “See that? Legally you can kill me and there is nothing I can do about it. My family would be fucked.”

“The government gives an allowance for anyone kìlled legally by a vampire with a license,” Randall replied.

“Yeah, what? Twelve hundred dollars for my family and they pay for the funeral, you think that’s all I’m worth?”

“I don’t make the laws,” Randall replied.

“So right now for two licensed kills, me and my partner, you’re looking at twenty four hundred dollars’ worth of subsidies and two funerals. Hell, the funerals are worth five times that much. I guess that makes us worth twenty grand at least.”

Randall stood up and fixed his clothes. “Like I said, I don’t make the laws, if you don’t like it, run for office.”

“You’re a real smart ass, you know that?” the poacher asked.

“I have to live, it’s not my fault I need human blood. I can barely survive on two humans a year. If I had my way, I’d have one a month.”

“And if I have my way, I’ll have one another dead vampire before the days out, “Jack replied.

“We’re a protected group,” Randall said.

“Yeah, I get the irony, you’re protected, but I’m not. Where is the equality in that?”

“You have the option to change that, you can go back to school, get a job that takes you off the list.”

“Maybe I could, but it’s my right not to do what the politicians say. This is America, the land of the free and the home of the brave, not the place where I’m on the menu because some congress fuck decided to protect you. As far as I’m concerned, they should have exterminated your kind, not protected it. What good does it do to save a bunch of worthless vampires anyway? What good do you provide to society? It’s like saving a bunch of rabid badgers because some liberal cry baby thinks you have rights. Well asshole, I have rights too.”

“I’m not saying you don’t, but according to the law, you have to follow proper channels. You can get off the list if you want, but you’d rather kìII me instead. You’re the one breaking the law, not me.”

“Yeah, it’s called anarchy, ever hear of it?” the poacher asked.

“If you kill me, they will find you, and the punishment for poaching is worse than for murdering a regular human,” Randall said.

“I know that,” Jack replied. “I don’t plan on getting caught.”

 

“I realized you were a poacher the second I saw you, you didn’t do a good job of disguising yourselves. It won’t take much to catch you.

Jack took a moment and looked to his partner. He looked back at Randall and shook his head. “How do you get to the basement?” the poacher asked.

“Why?”

“I have this all planned out, and I need to use your basement, how is that for an explanation?”

“You think I’m going to lead you to my death?” Randall asked. He was almost laughing.

“We can do it here, I don’t care. I was worried about the noise but from the looks of this place, I don’t think that will be a problem.” The poacher pulled a rope from his pocket and pulled a portion tight like he was going to wrap it around Randall’s neck. “Mike, grab him, and watch for his mouth, he might try to bite you,” Jack said.

Mike took a few steps towards the vampire keeping an eye on what he was doing. He judged him like a wrestler in a match and tried to size him up.

“Don’t do it Mike,” Randall said. “If you get caught, the punishment is torture, you know that. Don’t trust this asshole, he doesn’t know what he’s doing and you will get caught.”

Mike spoke up, “One of your kind killed my cousin six years ago. Do you know what it’s like going to a funeral knowing that the perp is going to get away with murder?

Everyone there wanted to get revenge but knew legally they couldn’t do anything. My dad tried to sue the state and lost. It cost him thousands. And it turned out the vampire That killed my cousin was some unemployed baby reaper that had more rights than any of Us.”

“That’s not my fault,” Randall said. “The law is the law, it’s there to protect everyone.”

“Who protected my cousin? She was planning to go back to school, she had two kids.”

“Two kids? That should have taken her off the list,” Randall said.

“Her ex had custody, so she was on the fuking list,” Mike replied. 

“Sorry to hear that.”

“No you’re not, you’d have done the same thing.”

“Did the vampire have a hunting permit?” Randall asked.

Mike stepped in close and shoved his finger in Randall’s face. “I don’t give a fuck if he Had a permit or not. My cousin is not some animal to be hunted. None of us are. You’re The problem, I don’t know why we’re bothering to debate this with you. You’re going to Be dead in the next five minutes.

Randall knew he was fucked. He had a gun in the kitchen and another hidden in the spare bedroom, but he had no way to get to either one. But he wasn’t going to go down Without a fight. “Go for it,” Randall said with his hands raised to defend himself.

Mike stepped in close, all he had to do was wrap Randall up and hold him down as his

Partner cut off his head. The poachers intentionally didn’t bring any weapons into the house because they knew it would be easier to spot them if they did. Once inside, they planned to find a knife and cut off the vampire’s head. Randall made it easy by leading them to his knife.

Randall took a few short shots at Mike’s face to try to intimidate him. It didn’t work. Mike Jumped Randall and grabbed him around the midsection allowing his weight to pull him Down and knock him off balance to the ground. Once on the hardwood floor, Mike Fought his way on top of Randall and pinned him to the floor allowing the other poacher Access to his neck.

In a flash, Jack brought the knife down to Randall’s neck and began to saw back and Forth cutting down to his spine. From there he hacked until he was through and severed Randall’s head allowing blood to drain onto the floor and spill everywhere. Randall, the Vampire was now dead lying on the floor and the two poachers were high on adrenaline.

“Now what?” Mike asked. “Do we leave the body or dump it?”

“We need to get rid of the body, we can’t leave our DNA. And then we need to clean this

Place up.”

“I had gloves on,” Mike said.

“Yeah, but they can find DNA anywhere now a days. You might have spit on him by

Accident, or scraped him when you were holding him down.”

“Where should we take him? And how do we transport him like this? I have blood all Over me.” Mike said.

“We’ll wait till dark, then take him out. That will give us time to clean the blood. Go see if you can find a mop.”

One in the morning, the two poachers moved Randall’ body to the trunk of the car and headed to the edge of town when they saw flashing lights behind them.

“Holy shit,” Jack said as he pulled to the side of the road. “I’m not speeding.”

“Stay cool, we’ll get through this,” Mike replied.

Once the poachers pulled over, an officer approached with his flashlight shining in

Jack’s eyes. “How are you two doing tonight?” the officer asked.

“Fine,” Jack replied as he squinted at the officer’s face.

“The reason I pulled you over was you trunk lid isn’t shut all the way, there’s something Hanging out the back.”

Jack looked up at the officer and noticed he had a set of fangs. A fucking vampire he

Thought to himself. “You’re a vampire?” Jack asked.

“Yes, is that a problem?” the officer asked.

“No, of course not,” Jack replied. “I’ve only seen a few in my life.”

“Night shift works well for me,” the officer said.

“If you don’t mind, can I ask you a question?”

“Go ahead.”

“I know a lot of people hate vampires, doesn’t that cause problems with your job?” Jack Asked.

“Not usually, most people don’t notice the fangs, and if they do, they rarely say anything,” the officer replied.

“I thought vampires got some sort of social security, so they don’t have to work.”

“We do, but we can work if we want. I can’t spend all my time at home, I have to have a Life. You better get your trunk shut,” the officer said.

Jack opened the door and walked to the back of his car. What he saw was part of the blanket they used to cover Randall’s body. Jack used his key and opened the trunk just far enough to shove the cloth back inside and close the trunk again. “How’s that?” Jack Asked.

“Looks good, where are you two headed tonight?” the officer asked.

“Home,” Jack said.

“You live around here? I don’t recognize you.”

“Yeah, I live here,” Jack said, not wanting to say too much.

An awkward pause ensued as the two men scrambled for what to say to each other.

“Well, you have a safe trip home,” the officer said.

“Thanks,” Jack said and walked back to the driver’s side of his car. He watched the

Officer walk back to his car and got inside his.

“That was fucking close,” Mike said.

“You want to kill two?” Jack asked. 

“What?”

“We got one in the trunk, want to put that fucking vampire in there too?”

“He’s a cop, they would know he was missing,” Mike replied.

“Yeah, but it would be a missing persons report. They would never find him,” Jack said Keeping an eye in the rear view mirror.

“No, let’s get rid of the one we have. We don’t need to bring any attention to ourselves.”

Jack pulled out into the road and followed behind the officer who was now a quarter Mile in front of them. “You know, I wonder how many vampires there are holding Respectable jobs? I mean, they have protected status, collect social security and can Take jobs from humans.”

“You should run for office, get that shit changed,” Mike said.

“I read there are less than four hundred vampires in the United States, it would be a

Better idea to exterminate them. A little vampire genocide,” Jack said.

“You could be your own little vampire Hitler,” Mike said. “And what about the vampire-Zombies? I bet there are thousands of those by now.”

“Yeah, but they aren’t protected, and they don’t get government benefits,” Jack said as He pulled off the road onto an abandon farm.

“Ever been on a zombie vampire hunt?” Mike asked.

“No, but I plan too. I’m getting some hunting gear.”

“I heard there are zombie vampire hunting clubs now, and you can book a hunt with a Professional guide for like two grand. We should get into that,” Mike said.

“That would be sweet, getting paid to kill those fuckers.”

“Yeah, and legal, we wouldn’t be running around in the middle of the night ditching a body like we are now”

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